


The Distance Between Us

by writingfordayz



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Light Angst, M/M, Shiro (Voltron) Angst, Shiro x Reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:13:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23781382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingfordayz/pseuds/writingfordayz
Summary: After Shiro is affected by a mission that seemed to go off without a hitch, he begins to distance himself from you, and it's not until his life is in danger that you both realize the magnitude of your feelings for each other.
Relationships: Shiro/Reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 45





	The Distance Between Us

I couldn’t help but notice the subtle trembling of Shiro’s hands. He tried to steady them against his glass, continuing to smile and engage Coran in a discussion about the planet we’d just visited. With the glass anchored to the table, he was able to hide the shaking, but as soon as he directed the glass towards his lips, some of the water toppled over the edge and onto his chest. After finishing his drink, he chuckled and brushed it off, along with the incident, and returned his hands to his lap, concealing them under the table.

With a glance around the room, it was easy to see that no one had noticed his slip-up, but it was evident to me. Ever since we had both returned from the rescue mission, he’d been off. It was clear this mission had affected him more than most, but it’s odd because it was one of the most successful ones. I mean, come on! We managed to sneak onto a Galra ship, completely undetected, and broke out a group of Balmara who were abducted after the team first liberated them. Everyone survived and I only got a few bruises out of it. I was actually proud that I could train the next day without being too sore, but it was that morning when we were fighting simulations that he seemed unsettled.

Glancing up from the last of the fading bruises on my arm, my eyes landed on Shiro’s empty seat. “He’s done already?”

Allura laughed and said, “Yes, he went to continue training. You could all improve a little by following his training regiment.”

Hunk paused mid-bite, “Nah...I’m good.”

Without looking up from her computer, Pidge mumbled,” Same”.

“Yeah… you’re right Princess. I’m gonna go join him.”

The training deck was barely illuminated by some dim lights overhead, and Shiro’s figure danced around simulations in the dark, his arm hesitating before striking down the enemies. He continued to increase the difficulty until he was in complete darkness. When the rhythmic shattering of simulations was intercepted by heavy thuds and panting, I abruptly ended the training sequence and flipped the lights on, finding him slumped over on the floor in a pool of sweat.

“Shiro what are you thinking?! The training is going to kill you far faster than the missions at this rate.”

He jolted back momentarily, studying your face before relaxing. Reaching forward, I grabbed his arm that reflexively flew up to defend himself. It was trembling, but as he grasped my hand, all anxiousness ceased.

“I’m sorry you had to see that. I didn’t know you were watching,” he admitted.

“Why are you doing this to yourself?” It killed me when he shut people out, especially myself. Half the time he’d be honest. I’d been informed about his nightmares, his fears of losing his brother, the regrets he’d left behind on Earth, but the other half was completely closed off from prying ears. All I ever want to do is help him like I do in the middle of the night when the knock echoes between our walls and my arms provide enough comfort for him to fall back asleep.

“All I’m doing is trying to improve my combat skills. We all have things we need to improve, and that’s my weakness,” he explained as he stood and walked past me towards the exit.

“This is more than just improving your combat skills! I can tell there’s something different about you Shiro. Ever since that last mission, you’ve been training non-stop and you avoid any interactions with me outside of work.”

He’s stride faltered as he calmly explained, “What we do is tough, so I need to train constantly. The last mission brought that to my attention. As for our interactions, I haven’t treated you any differently, I’ve simply stepped back to let you spend more time with Pidge. You two make a better team, and I’m going to be paired up with Allura from now on.”

Before any protest could be made, the doors slid shut, and he was gone.

Me and Pidge? Shiro and Allura? The last mission couldn’t have gone better, so why would he want to switch partners all of a sudden?

I wasn’t letting this major change go unexplained. Don’t get me wrong, Pidge is a great Paladin, the smartest one on the team and within the top 10 in the universe, but Shiro’s been my partner for the past eight months... Am I falling behind the others, and he’s just trying to keep me in the castle to work remotely? Or maybe Allura is better for him because she’s able to make the tough decisions. I tend to get hung up on the morality of the issue. At times I’m too emotionally involved, but I know that’s my fault and have been trying to fix it.

There’s also the matter of his constant trembling. Based on the way he’s been training, it could be due to over-exhaustion… Maybe I’m just overreacting. Maybe he’s right; he hasn’t been treating me any differently and I’m just trying to overlook my shortcomings, but that doesn’t expl-

Shiro’s hand trembled over the keypad to his bedroom, flashing red and beeping incessantly, indicating an incorrect code. He tried to navigate his finger towards the correct code, and when the red blinking continued, he slammed his fist against the wall. A pool of guilt settled in the base of my stomach, rising towards my throat as I caught a glimpse of a frown spreading onto his face before it was blocked by the wall he’d settled his forehead against. It was unbelievably sickening to see him this upset.

The whooshing of his bedroom door opening startled him, his eyes meeting mine. “You’re our leader for a reason, Shiro. I trust your decisions, and I won't press the issue any further, but just know that I am here for you for whatever you need.” I left it at that.

Things slowly changed for the next week. I helped Pidge work on some projects around the castle while Shiro and Allura went out on some reconnaissance missions. He continued to distance himself, but it wasn’t up to me to confront him anymore. Shiro is the most honest guy I know, and if he felt he needed to keep some things private, then I respected that. The rest of the team didn’t seem to notice anything out of the ordinary either, and Keith would’ve noticed if something were truly wrong. Meanwhile, Pidge designed some new tracking devices for all of our suits, ones that could reach a signal nearly halfway across the galaxy. After I installed them, it became my job to monitor everyone when they went on missions.

“Alright, what’s wrong?” Pidge asked one night while I was scanning the screens with everyone’s vitals. They were intercepting a cargo ship supposedly carrying weapons for the Galra. They were all holding steady as the minutes ticked by.

“Nothing, why?”

“That’s the tenth time you’ve sighed in the last hour. So, what’s up?” she asked.

Well, she got me there. “I just feel useless...no, not useless. More like helpless. It’s hard sitting back and watching them out on missions when I’m not able to actively help them if needed.”

“I know what you mean, but they’re all capable of backing each other up. They’ll be okay… Shiro will be okay.” Pidge didn’t even look your way as she tossed his name into the mix. I’ll admit, I’ve paid more attention to his screen than the others.

“I care about everyone’s wellbeing.”

“I know you do, but you care about Shiro’s even more. It’s not hard to see that,” she disclosed this so matter-of-factly. I hope it’s not as obvious to everyone else; I wouldn’t want them to think I care any less about them.

Before I could comment, she continued, “Well, I think it’s hard to see if your Shiro. He’s surprisingly dense lately, but we’ve all got stuff we’re dealing with. Ya know?”

“Yeah...I know.”

A few days later, Keith’s voice echoed over the radio, informing us of that they successfully located some Blade members who were being held, hostage. While they transported them off the ship, I began filling out a log of everyone they’d found. Suddenly, all of the vitals went into distress mode, their heart rates increased dramatically.

“Something’s wrong.”

Pidge snatched the radio, “Keith?! What’s happening?”

Muffled words broke through, “...ambushed...not Galra...no sto- Shiro!”

In unison with Keith’s scream, Shiro’s screen went blank. My heart lurched, lodging itself in my throat. I frantically tried to get the screen back up, my mind repeating over and over that it’s just a technological failure. That it’s not his tracker working. That it’s not his tracker telling me he’s dead.

The keys began to blur together, the computer protesting as my vision was clouded with tears. Pidge grabbed me by the shoulders and turned my body to face her. Her mouth was moving, but there was a distant ringing in my ears.

I must’ve sat like that, unmoving and unable to breathe, for at least an hour because the next thing I remember is a smudge of red breaking through the darkness and almost immediately fading away, being replaced by more black. I felt like I was being crushed, but it wasn’t by the insurmountable agony in my throat and chest. This was lower and spread around to my back, cool metal grazing the exposed skin between my shirt and pants. I shivered and latched on, immediately recognizing Shiro’s embrace, and when I could finally take a deep breath in, his voice broke through, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry...I’m here. I’m here.”

I didn’t say anything, I couldn’t. This is a part of the job. We all know the risk of being a Paladin, and as much as I always dreaded Shiro going out on dangerous missions, I never could have imagined what it would feel like to actually lose him. He sat there for a long time, rubbing my back. Truthfully, I resent being filled with relief almost immediately because any amount of agony is worth it to feel his arms around me, but as soon as he felt me relax, he pulled back to point out his destroyed tracker on his shoulder. I brushed a finger over the charred device as I noticed six other pairs of eyes fixed sadly on me. Emotion is a weakness...I should’ve been stronger. I should’ve been able to focus on the rest of the team and helped get them out safely so the casualty count didn’t rise.

“I’m glad you’re okay…” I admitted quietly. This isn’t a state I want to share with everyone else, the others I’m meant to protect. I’m too vulnerable here.

“I think... I need some air.”

Shiro could sense the tenseness in the room and said, “The rest of you go debrief the hostages.”

As they filed out, Shiro started up again, “I am so sorry. I was reckless out there today, and it didn’t even occur to me that you were monitoring my vitals. I shouldn’t have put you through that.”

I tried to shrug it off saying, “It’s fine. You can’t control everything, and that could’ve happened to anyone.” It was true, and Shiro shouldn’t beat himself up over my reaction.

His expression shifted to one of complete disbelief as he struggled to find the words. He settled on a question, “If it happened to anyone else, would you have reacted the same way?”

That was a heavy question, mainly because I know my reaction wouldn’t have been the same.

“I care about everyone on the team Shiro, they’re my family an-”

“That’s not what I asked,” he said, cutting me off mid-sentence.

“If I lost one of them… It would be devastating. If I lost you… I’d lose everything.”

Shiro wrapped his arms around me immediately, holding me tighter than before as if I were about to slip out of his grasp.

“I can’t stop…” he began, but it sounded like the words were caught in his throat; “I know you see it. I can’t stop shaking...ever.”

When he took a breath in, his whole body shook, tears hitting my shoulder when he exhaled. He felt so fragile, even though he put on a brave face for everyone else.

“I know. Please, Shiro, talk to me…” I begged. He was finally reaching out after weeks of becoming increasingly distant.

“Seeing you today… how you reacted when you thought I was dead… It reminded me of how I would feel if the roles were reversed. The last mission we went on, the witch got inside my head...She found out my one true weakness was, was you…” He pulled back, gripping the sides of my shoulders as he continued to recount that day. “She altered all of her drones’ faces to look like you. Every time I fought one off, I couldn’t tell if I was destroying my enemy or injuring you! When I finally did find you, the lights were off, and I hit you! I nearly knocked you out and only realized it was you because you didn’t fight back!”

I couldn’t believe that all of this happened to him and he never said anything to me, never radioed to me when it first started.

My confusion must have been rather evident because he explained quietly, “I didn’t tell you because it would’ve put you in more danger… I thought if I actually admitted that what Hagar thought she had discovered was true, she would know. Just by admitting I love you, I’d be putting a target on your back.”

I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face, contrasting his continuous stream of tears. I reached up and wiped off what I could from his cheeks, trying to soothe him and let him know it’s okay.

“I think we all already have pretty big targets on our backs just from being defenders of the universe, don’t you think?”

A small laugh broke through, his eyes brightening. “I guess you’re right about that,” he admitted.

“So can we go back to being partners again?” I asked hopefully.

After some contemplation, he settled on, “On one condition.”

“Name it Kashi.”

He blushed lightly at the nickname and said, “You have to listen to my commands in the field. If we’re in danger, and I tell you to leave me, you leave me without hesitation.”

“Absolutely not. You can not name terms of an agreement that you can’t agree to.”

He sighed and said, “Alright, you got me there.”

“How about this,” I compromised, “We both try our best to stay out of danger, and should the situation arise, we stand by each other.”

Shiro slowly leaned up and pressed a soft kiss to my forehead, sealing the pact.

“Deal,” he whispered.


End file.
